Going for the Gold

 

That's a video of Heath meeting a certifiable milestone: cruising, or stepping sideways while hanging onto something for support.  After months of standing rooted to the floor, he ventured out tentatively with his right leg shortly before Thanksgiving.  Now he's quite a pro, circumnavigating the coffee table and making bold steps across gaps in support. Cruising is a major way station on the journey to independent walking, as it involves weight shifting and gauging and coordinating movement in a million little ways.  So, a big deal!  Both a box to check and a marvel to celebrate.

It's fascinating to observe how these little transformations take place, because each time Heath acquires a new skill he becomes a slightly different person.  Like any kid, he is propelled into the unknown by his curiosity and willingness to risk.  Each door he walks through reveals a new vista and new side of his personality. Cruising makes him more independent, more able to act, express himself, and manipulate his world.  More unpredictable and a little braver, as he has further to fall!

The fact that Heath is meeting milestones at his own pace means that he is evolving in his own unique way.  He is a bright 21-month old who is working to master the gross motor skills of a 9 to 12 month old.  Not yet having the option to run, jump and crash into things at high speed for entertainment, his awareness has been focused through the prism of careful observation and patient experimentation at close-up range. 

Maybe as a consequence, he is a passionate bookworm, learning his favorites by heart and spotting the tiniest details in illustrations that are rich and absorbing.  He is super social and attuned to people, leaning in to deliver warm smiles and eye contact to other babies and eager to keep up two-way conversation with us for long periods even though his toddler word-palette is limited.  He is easily drawn into scenarios of imagination and make believe and will closely scrutinize my faded Fisher Price little people, assigning them family roles ("Dada," "Mama," "Boompa," etc.) and sending them off on exciting mini-bus journeys.  Somewhere in all this, his God-given gifts are emerging and his "development" -- which has been tested and analyzed thoroughly by a platoon of lovely people with advanced degrees -- is organizing itself beautifully.  Dare I say, perfectly. 

Call me a Pollyanna, but I find it rather marvelous that children can travel such wildy different developmental paths, with each one's inner blueprint unfolding as uniquely as a snowflake.  While we parents and our therapist allies encourage and challenge and point out opportunities, it is the child's deep imperative to transform that propels the epic of development, typical or not.  One discovery leads to the next, enables the next.  Crawling leads to peering down the heating vent (Heath is convinced there is a frog down there).  Sitting up on high knees reveals what's in the magazine rack ("Who's Oprah??").  Not doing either of these things for awhile may result in expert knowledge of bird life outside the window or the minute expressions on people's faces.  I have no doubt that Heath's strengths and weaknesses are combining (colluding?) to shape his character and destiny in a very particular way.

I realize this kind of thinking raises questions when it come to children whose abilities may be much more limited than Heath's.  I've had a chance to meet many special children, now that we are privileged to move in different circles -- among atypical families with perhaps atypical capacities for resilience, compassion, and reflection.  Each child, parent, sibling and grandparent makes sense of their unique situation in their own way.  Personally, I have observed that children with the most involved conditions often play profound roles as teachers, redefining priorities within families, prompting reflection on life's most pressing questions, and drawing forth compassionate and loving action from others.  They challenge us to encounter our own ideas about perfection, inclusion, and what it takes to be happy.  They reveal our own limitations as expertly as any zen master. 

What we have faced as a family is very slight compared to the challenges others are coping with, including conditions that may limit a child's lifespan.  What I'm trying to express is that my definition of proper development or a successful life has been turned upside down by children we have met on our path, kids I might have formerly considered "severely impaired" who display a phenomenal capacity for being, loving, and drawing forth the very best -- the true gold -- from those privileged to be in their lives.

Peanut and I heard a businessy lecture a couple years ago on the importance of cultivating one's strengths, as opposed to perpetually trying to remedy one's weaknesses.  This has become such an important principle for me to remember when filling up Heath's dance card with therapy appointments and enriching activities.  It's not likely he's going make his mark in this lifetime breaking 100-yard dash records or constructing Fabergé eggs, so we can't pour every ounce of energy into meeting gross- and fine-motor milestones.  We work and play hard gaining necessary skills, but what makes Heath happier than anything is poring over books, conversing, making friends, painting and drawing, puttering in the kitchen, and using the phases-of-the-moon app on his iPad.  He's an ethereal Pisces, with one foot in the material world and one in the ocean of imagination and heart-to-heart connections.  His qualities of character have been there since the first moment we looked into his eyes, but as he gets older it becomes easier to sense what these qualities are and to see the best shining through in him. 

It will be up to Heath how he wants to direct his strengths.  Right now I just remind myself, as we move through our busy calendar of appointments, that the best in Heath doesn't need fixing, just cultivating.  Not "interventions," just our unwavering belief.  How do I know?  His powerful presence has already done a number on us, entirely for the better.

We are wishing everyone rest, relaxation and merriness this holiday!!  Here's a video of Heath to bring you some cheer, talking about his favorite animal, the majestic elk.

PS:  For those following our adventures starting a distillery in Montana next year, Peanut and I posted photos of our recent journey along Scotland's whisky trail on the Montgomery Distillery Facebook page.  Trip of a lifetime!  While we enjoyed a second honeymoon, Heath was entertained and doted upon by all four of his grandparents back home.  We got to Skype him everyday, and it became clear that he thought we were up in an airplane the entire time.  Many thanks to Heath and his boomas and boompas for being such good sports while we were up, up and away!

Comments

[sarah]

hurray for you guys and especially Heath! i love following his journey. and i love an ethereal pisces - i married one! they rule!

[melissa aka equidae]

Heath is doing great no need to rush....sometimes I wonder why we hurry in potty training, for them to learn ABCs etc...coz as a matter of fact I feel we push them too hard,we let Greg define his pace and although he might look slower than others I am glad for him to take his own time

[Daria]

Jenny, a beautiful post and a wonderful world you have all entered! Everything our kids do always amazes me. So decidated, curious and hard workering. Heath is wise beyond his years and I have no doubt he will be the best he can be! Hugs. Daria

[Tara]

What a lovely update!

[Jessi Bennion]

Beautiful post!