Wow! Here's a little video diary showing a few amazing moments from the past month. Heath has made some doggone startling progress.
We're very proud and very amazed, since we didn't put any special practice into these activities. All kids are miraculous in their drive to grow and learn, and kids like Heath even moreso, as the brain is not just learning but orchestrating an intricate healing process at the same time. It gives me shivers to see how beautifully it happens!
On top of all that running in circles, this was Heath's first semi-informed Easter. He understood there was a theme to do with eggs, colored liquid, a traveling rabbit, and enough chocolate to choke a horse. It was all fine by him!
The cousins hunted eggs in the snow.
You like snowballs, Cousin Luke?
Whoooaaaa!!
Grandma Marcia and Grandpa Ed drove out from Tacoma for a wonderful visit just before Easter. Heath enjoyed waiting for them in the hotel lobby.
He and Grandma enjoyed a lavish tea party. "Will you be having the mashed banana or the wavy tomato?"
Drink up, Wild Thing!
Heath and Levi keep on enjoying their weekly adventures. They love each other so much and share big hugs at the end of their playdates.
We joined a local homeschool group for pottery class. What a bunch of caring, creative, articulate and wonderful kids (and moms)!
Heath issued instructions and I helped him make a crescent moon with large lips.
Last but not least, Grandpa Tom gave Heath a treasured gift. A dropped elk antler -- now sitting on the shelf in the playroom. Heath couldn't be more in awe.
What a great month it's been! In other exciting news, I've been doing some research about what motivates people (children included) to undertake difficult things. In my endless quest to make crawling practice more attractive to Heath, I've ended up reconsidering the bribery techniques I assumed were fundamental to parenting, not just therapy. Next post: Alfie Kohn's thought-provoking book "Punished by Rewards."
Gah! So much has happened in the last forty days. Here are the top ten news items since last we blogged...
10. We left the snow....
and spent a week in Mexico with my mom! Heath fell in love with the pool...
...was slathered with sunscreen...
...and spent a lot of time kicking back.
9. He has made a few forays onto the potty.
8. Anna came by for a cookie-baking date. These two are wonderful playmates!
7. Heath has kept up his weight-lifting with Andy, a physical therapy student from the University who comes by weekly.
6. Heath and his little friend Levi are cute as pie together.
They had a ball racing around the lobby in the old Florence Hotel last week.
5. The zoning permit for our distillery is up for public comment.
4. Heath can sight read a lot of words. This looks like a braggy stage mom video, but I wanted to show the developmental pediatrician how bright he is, since he is too shy to speak or do much in front of her.
3. He loves his new clubhouse.
2. He can't stop saying WOW, wow, WOW, when he looks at our seedlings.
An FYI for families and therapists who are facing struggles with feeding....
Dr. Markus Wilken, the gifted feeding specialist who came from Germany to help Heath become an eater, is now in private practice and collaborating closely with my great friend Jennifer Berry of Spectrum Pediatrics in Virginia. Markus will be employed through Spectrum to educate families and feeding therapists in the U.S. about intensive tube weaning and tube management.
Jennifer was Heath's first occupational/feeding therapist, before our move to Seattle, and her intuition, intelligence and compassion were immense gifts to our family when Heath was not yet ready for weaning. She and Markus will be a dream team!
If you are interested in obtaining an evaluation from Markus, you can contact him at: [email protected]. If you are a health care professional interested in setting up a continuing education workshop on intensive weaning and tube management, contact Jennifer at: [email protected]
I can't believe it's only been three weeks since we moved to Missoula. It feels longer, maybe because we've been planning it for ages. Peanut is overjoyed to be back in Big Sky country. And I've finally made it here... I was going to come to Missoula for graduate school, but then got sidetracked for ten years in a burg called New York City. How circuitous things can be! It was a winding road, but somehow Peanut and I met up, Heath made a dramatic entrance, and now it feels like we've landed on solid ground. We couldn't be happier with the view.
Heath loves it too. Every now and then he takes it all in and cries, "New-new HOUSE!" We've unpacked most everything and even had our great friends and neighbors the Mochintos over for dinner. Gia (right) ate well following her two-week tube wean at Seattle Children's!
We are engaged in a minor power struggle with some floral wallpaper, which hopefully will come to a peaceful end this weekend.
But more important things have happened since we got here! Heath started pushing a cart while walking very gingerly across the living room. He mastered getting down our carpeted stairs on his own (by scooting feet-first on his tummy). He learned to count to 12 (before leaping exuberantly ahead to 18). He has become a much better fork-feeder. And he finally overcame his deep distrust of ice cream.
He has also become an avid mallwalker!
He is lucky to be borrowing that fancy gait trainer from Montana's medical equipment loan pool. This big rig enables him to walk with support around his chest and get up some real speed on the straightaways. It has also allowed us to join the fabulous ranks of retirees, rehab patients, and fitness enthusiasts doing laps at Southgate Mall in the morning. Heath gets loads of smiles and encouragement from friendly passersby as he motors along. (I think some of the seniors think his gait trainer is just a newfangled stroller: "What'll they think of next!") Heath loves socializing with folks at Caffe Dolce while taking a breather in between J.C. Penneys and Dillard's. I'm so impressed by his ability to stay on his feet for over an hour as we walk nearly 3/5 of a mile and browse along the way -- this will really help him build muscle endurance. And the best part? He gets to pet the bunnies and see the fish at The Pet Stop before we go home. I'm so grateful to the staff there who have learned Heath's name, welcome us each time we come, and let us pet the bunnies on our own.
In very big news, Heath turned two on February 20!
What a big boy we have on our hands now! But still wide-eyed, earnest, chubby cheeked, and full of snuggles. I'm loving this age, but as my friend Nanci says, every age is the best age. We celebrated with a super fun birthday party honoring Heath's favorite animal, the elk, and were joined by grandparents, friends, and beloved cousins Elle Lee and Luke, who drove over five hours with Aunt Tish and Uncle Jeff from Billings. Daria and Anna made this great cake to Heath's specs! (ELK, OWL, BLUE, YELLOW.)
We had Joan Melcher over for a martini, the author of Montana Watering Holes: The Big Sky's Best Bars, a beautifully written book that is part anthropology and part travel guide. I emailed her about a research project I'm doing on cocktail consumption in the Old West and she brought over some books on saloon history. It's fun making new friends knowing we'll be staying put. The neighbors have been so friendly and we were invited to a hilarious potluck our first week here.
Hope everyone is doing well at the tail end of winter! I can't wait to find out what flowers we have lurking under the snow.
Hoo-boy! Heath finished up his three-week boot camp with a bang last Friday. He took the closest thing to independent steps yet, with just a bit of reassurance from Hunter behind him. The amazing thing in this video is how stable and centered his hips are, compared to before, and his ability to make small postural adjustments as he steps.
This jaw-dropping video shows how Heath more than tripled his crawling ability in three weeks. Not only does he take about 19 "steps" on his arms without collapsing (compare to the video of January 18), but his head is up the entire time and...no crying!! He gets a kneeling ovation from the whole Rehab Without Walls team as he crosses the finish line and dives into Elmo's furry arms.
Hunter and Amy say there is a turning point in upper body strength when gains become exponential, and they expect this might happen when Heath can stay up comfortably on his arms for about a minute. We're not that far away! Thirty seconds is his max right now and it takes a lot of cheerleading to convince him it's a good idea. But with daily commitment, he will get there before we know it.
On his last day of intensive therapy, Heath received a yellow diploma (his favorite color) and Hunter sang him a special graduation song. I got a little teary eyed, I was so proud of my boy.
Oooooooh Heath, your day has come
Your intensive therapy program is finally done
We put you in a suit and tied you in a cage
And now it's time for you to stand up on that big world stage
Stand up tall and show 'em what you've got
Do all the things they said you would not
You're taller and stronger and tougher than nails
And anything you do, you will never fail
It was so sweet seeing the great relationship that Heath developed with Hunter and Amy, who worked him harder than he's ever worked, and we were very sorry to say goodbye. I felt sad for Heath, not being able to fully explain to him that we were moving to Montana that very weekend and wouldn't be back to pump iron on Monday.
Sure enough, we are setting up house in Missoula and he is still talking about Hunter and Amy daily and demanding to call them on the phone! Clearly the program made a huge impression on him, in part because of the huge boost in confidence he received. Today in the bathtub he was checking out his own arm muscles, pronouncing them BIG! BIG! BIIIG!! We had just done six crawling laps across the new dining room (despite having kicked a fever just yesterday). Not having Elmo on hand, I bribed him shamelessly with little pieces of chocolate on a yellow saucer, which he scarfed down at the end of each run, looking flushed and exhilarated.
On Monday, we'll have a visit from Heath's new physical therapist here in Missoula, who comes highly recommended by the local super moms. We're scouting for other pros for the new lineup, hopefully including a guy Heath can bond with over his BIG muscles.
We're overjoyed to be in Missoula. The main areas of the house are unpacked and liveable! More about that later....
I'm so amazed at the fortitude that Peanut has shown over the past week, packing, hauling, cleaning, driving, flying back to Seattle, and driving a second load over the pass tomorrow night. How does he stay in such a good mood through all that?? I'm also super grateful to Peanut's folks who came and spent three days unpacking, shoveling snow, feeding us, and keeping Heath happy while the essential parts of his home were reassembled around him.
It feels great to be taking our first steps into a dream we've had for a long time -- coming back to Montana to raise a family and run a distillery. So far so good! Heath claims to prefer the "new-new house" over the old one and is fascinated by the view from his playroom, where passing university students wave at him and little kids pass by in sleds pulled by their parents. The distillery is going well too -- the permitting process is in motion and soon we can start improvements on the building.
In other news, we are overjoyed for Gia, who is nearly through with her intensive tube weaning program at Seattle Children's Hospital. She had a huge breakthrough yesterday and we are celebrating this longed-for acccomplishment. Her mom Daria and I first became pals about a year ago, before Heath was an eater. The great thing is they live just a short walk from our new place, so the kids will soon be snacking partners. GO GIA!!! And hoorays to everyone who helped her turn the corner. Her happiness and confidence will be so much greater as a result of independent eating.
As I sit surrounded by packed boxes, here is a mini-update on our third week of intensive therapy at Rehab Without Walls. Only two days left and Sunday we fly!
Here's a video of Heath getting some air in an amazing bungee device, and getting ALL kinds of excited.
Vestibular input, like jumping and swinging, is great for normalizing muscle tone -- it's interesting to me that he keeps his arms loose in this video instead of tensing them close to his body in attempt to feel stable. He is exhilerated by the sensation of free and unpredictable movement.
Heath walked all the way around the Rehab Without Walls office park in a gait trainer today. Hunter and his assistant Rachel encouraged him to keep going, including up a heartbreak-hill stretch that required some serious glutes (and an anti-backward-rolling lock) to conquer. Heath nearly petered out, but the lure of possibly seeing elk in the trees kept him going across the finish line.
For some bigger kids, Hunter and Amy use a unique contraption called a Therasuit, full of resistance bands which build strength. Heath is fascinated by it!
I have much more to tell about how it seems intensive therapy has helped Heath. Interestingly, this three-week period has corresponded with a huge leap in language skills. It might be pure coincidence, but Heath is surprising us daily with more vocabulary, better pronunciation, more conversations about things that happened in the past, and more jokes! It might be an increase in his confidence, or perhaps stronger core muscles or new neural networks are supporting his speech. In any case, it's a total blast finding out more about the thoughts and views of such a tiny person. His inner preoccupations are mostly check-ins regarding his family members, friends, elk, what sounds good to eat, and reviews of recent events and the vocab that goes with them. Also passionate protests about driving on the freeway (OUT! OUT!). And inventories of all the yoga poses he enjoys: "What's your MOST favorite pose?" "P'oooow!" (Plow.)
Yesterday, we bid farewell to Mandi's Special Needs Yoga class, where I've been assisting since September. Heath came along and enjoyed a little down-time during Savasana.
He got a big hug from his friend and part-time babysitter Michaela.
I'm going to miss these kids and Mandi way too much. Heath and I will have to come back for some drop in yoga-reunions.
I heard from a doula in Kentucky tonight about a little baby who was born last week under circumstances very similar to Heath's, and who is now in the NICU. We are holding him and his family in our thoughts and prayers, confident that healing is already underway.
I'm also thinking of the demonstrators in Middle East. Before I morphed into a mom, I was an Arabic translator and historian, and memories came streaming back this week of the two years I spent in Cairo. I wish for better things for the next generation there, mainly a sense of possibility and justice.
Off to bed. Hope everyone is keeping warm tonight!
That's Heath checking out the vantage point atop Daphne's glorious momo and looking like a very big boy indeed. Daphne is a fabulous and far-out nurse who has been coming over to do massage and energy healing with Heath for a few months while he chills out to Raffi videos. This week, she commented that he seems more solid in his neck, arms and shoulders, as well as his hips and legs. I can feel it too! For the first time, actual triceps have been detected! In other words, his intensive training at Rehab Without Walls is making a difference we can all see and feel.
His walks to the corner are getting easier. He can stand up in his high chair and bend waaay over the table to grab food and come up again without a hitch. He is pulling up to the coffee table and getting down on his own routinely. He is even throwing himself down on all fours for fun! Heath is terribly excited about having a little more strength, and loves to show off his muscles by sticking his arms out straight in front of him like Superman. He then says "Dada! Hun'ner!" reminding us to compare his guns to those of his favorite heros (Hunter is his first and only male therapist -- see last week's post for more on Heath's passionate affection for him).
It's been hard work and we're only half way through the three-week program but his therapists are really impressed with his progress and determination. Heath has increased his glute-building weights from 10 reps with 2 kilos to 40 reps with 3 kilos (thanks in part to motivation provided by a giant stuffed Elmo). Not bad!! He made similar gains in swinging his legs out to the side against a weight. Studies show that this type of training will give him a faster gait and a longer stride.
Here's a video of him trucking down the block by himself for the second time ever. He's wearing a splint on his weaker right arm, which will eventually come off.
Does he want to turn around and go home? No way!
In between intense bursts of weight lifting, walking, standing, assisted crawling, and other tough tasks, Heath works on improving his posture and balance while coloring, tossing a ball, or playing with occupational therapist Amy. Here he is sitting straighter than I usually do....
Despite the hard work and occasional upset, Heath continues to talk excitedly about Hunter and Amy on a semi-constant basis. He experienced some minor devastastion when he realized we weren't going to the clinic on Saturday and he freaked when we drove past the exit on Sunday. The jump-start to his strength and intense focus on movement tasks might be spilling over into other developmental areas. He is saying new words every day ("nostril," "elbow," "mole") and poring over a set of magnetic letters handed down to us by friends Maria and Michaela. He hunts for the few he knows, crying out "EMMM!", "ELLLL!", "OOOOOO!", etc. and begging me to spell out ELK, DADA, and -- you guessed it -- HUNTER.
Last but not least, our boy was weighed this week and lo and behold, he had leaped 8 percentage points on the growth curve since October. I was stunned, having half expected him to be still paddling around in the realm of dragons and sea-monsters that lays in the void beneath the curve. Nope -- he's gained a pound and nine ounces. We knew he was chunking up because his ribs and shoulder blades vanished sometime around Christmas, but it was incredibly affirming to see this wonderful gain after the weight loss he experienced while adjusting to becoming an oral eater. We knew in our hearts it would just take time -- eight months to be exact -- but now he truly is a regular kid in the eating department. He even munches corn dogs on special outings, just like I did when I was a kid.
We have another week and a half of intensive therapy left, about 100 boxes to pack, and then Heath and I will fly to our new home in Missoula on February 6! Peanut and his dad will drive our stuff over the pass and meet us there. Many thanks to Doug and Daria for putting me up during a 24-hour whirlwind house-hunting trip and finding us this sweet house, which is walking distance to the distillery, Heath's preschool, the park, cafes, and Doug and Daria's place....
It will be great to see Heath walk down those steps some day and play in the snow!
Daria and her 18-month old daughter Gia are headed to Seattle on Saturday to begin a two-week intensive tube weaning program at Seattle Children's Hospital with Karen Quinn-Shea. We are looking forward to cheering them on, throwing a few baby picnics, and celebrating the fact that Gia is getting her shot at becoming an eater! Keep your fingers crossed for her!
Heath started boot camp Monday, at the age of 22 months. He's spending two hours a day pumping iron and doing physical workouts more demanding than he's ever experienced -- and tougher than most kids his age have ever done -- followed by more hard work at home. Here's a video of him working his glutes, hip extensors, and lower back with his physical therapy coach (and new man-crush), Hunter.
He's pushing his legs down against 2 kilos of weight there -- not bad for a such a little tush! He is also working hard on his hip abductors (swinging his legs out to the side) to build strong stabilizers for walking and standing. It helps that his desire to impress Hunter is tremendous -- he looks longingly after him whenever he leaves the room and yells out "Hi!" to get his attention when he's busy with other kids. After we go home he talks all day about "Hun'ner! Walk-walk!" to anyone who will listen.
Hunter and his partner Amy at Rehab Without Walls, are trained in a type of intensive therapy developed in Poland. Some of the research on the value of this approach, using high-intensity therapy and strength training (as well as a special suit full of resistance bands, which Heath is too small for) is found here.
So how is Heath holding up to the challenge? Amazingly well, thanks to his drive, good humor, and motivation to get on his feet. He knows he is there to learn to walk, and over the past two days he has begun to absorb the concept that walking takes muscles, those muscles have to be strong, and doing crazy exercises gives people strong muscles. Peanut demonstrated the value of big muscles tonight at dinner by showing off his biceps and lifting up the dining table. I hit the floor and did seven push-ups before collapsing in a heap. Heath was suitably horrified yet impressed at these displays of intense effort, which are becoming personally familiar to him in a big way. Here he is digging deep as he "flies" in a harness in prone position, struggling to bear weight on his exhausted arms.
It's not easy to watch the little guy reach his limits and crumble. But he doesn't stay down for long.
"Are you tired?"
(Through tears) "Yeah!"
"Are you upset?"
"Yeah."
"Are you OK?"
(Nods.)
"Do you want to walk?"
"Yeah."
"Are you strong?"
"Yeah."
"Do you want to play with Mr. Potato Head?"
(Big smile.) "Yeah!"
Heath does have a clear understanding of why we're there, and the moments of strain and upset are brief compared to the thrill of reaching a goal. Here he is making some of his most successful crawling efforts yet.
It's going to be very exciting to see what Heath is able to achieve by February 4, our last day of therapy. Hunter predicts that by the end of this week, Heath will be bone-tired and in mental disarray, as his neural networks and musculature adjust to the great strain they have been put under. Next week he'll get his second wind, and during the third week he will be propelled by the excitement of feeling himself become stronger and more physically capable. What an amazing process! I have great respect for the team at Rehab Without Walls, who have to push kids to their physical limits every day to help them gain maximum independence. It reminds me a bit of the rigors of the intensive weaning process, and my gut tells me it is just right for Heath at this point in time. His body and mind are engaged and judging from his non-stop monologue about "Hun'ner", he is on board for the ride!
In preparation for intensive therapy, we've been pushing Heath to build up his endurance by walking to the end of our block and back, using Walking Wings every day. At first it was very hard for him, and we were resting every five steps on the way back. Now, it is a quick and steady ten minute trip!
As I know from my own efforts to do a single pull-up a few years back, it can feel incredibly defeating to just hang there. But by jumping up and letting myself down slowly, I eventually learned to do one, then one more and one more. After a few months, I could pull off a decent GI Jane imitation. Who knows, maybe once Heath is on his feet, I'll even hit the pull-up bar again. He is truly inspiring me with his resilience and ability to bounce back from "Oh, crap!" to "I DID IT!"
(That's Heath sitting on a hot pad to soothe his sore caboose!!)
In other news, we are packing up the house and I'm flying to Missoula this week to look at possible houses to rent. If all goes well, we'll be crossing the pass in a rented U-Haul just after Heath finishes intensive therapy. Yee-haw!
Thanks for keeping Heath in your thoughts over the next three weeks! I'll be sure to update as he goes...
Over the holidays, Heath did more roughhousing, tickling, bouncing, sliding, sledding, and maniacal laughing than he ever has in his life. His grandparents and cousins were whirlwinds of energy during our visit to Montana and all made sure that Heath got in on every bit of the fun. This video gives a taste of the action....
I posted lots of photos of the holidays on Flickr and Facebook, so I won't repeat myself, but wow! We had such a good time with family here in Seattle and in Montana. We ate delicious food (Grandma Chris' cinnamon rolls were very popular with Heath!), visited old friends, participated in a dance contest, unwrapped thoughtfully chosen gifts, watched movies our PJs, and played outside in the snow-covered valley where Peanut grew up.
Heath was lavished with love and snuggled to his heart's delight!
Fast-forward to preschool this week, where Heath hit the indoor gym with a glint in his eye. With a little help, he log-rolled down a vinyl mountain, insisted on riding an inflatable horse (that he had just watched another kid get bucked off of), kicked like crazy in the ball pit, rode a stand-up scooter, rocked in a toy boat, and went down two different slides over and over with dramatic grins and squeals. I just love that he feels so physically confident in an environment where the other kids are literally bouncing off the walls.
Heath's yoga practice is taking off as well!
He received a deck of kid's yoga cards awhile back from friend Dhyana and now asks to get them out three or four times a day. They have turned out to be a huge motivator for him and tons of fun for everybody. We spread the cards out on the floor and make a game out of choosing which pose to do. Here he is trying to work out Frog....
He goes down on his tummy to try Bow Pose, reaching back with his arms to find his toes. He sticks his chest out in Lion pose and gives a subdued roar. With a little help, he balances on one leg in Tree and tentatively raises his arms. Here he is doing Child's pose with a block....
And checking out life upside down....
He even showed his babysitter Angela how to do a few poses while I was out!
I've been working at a glacial pace to complete yoga teacher training certification since 2008. Being Heath's mom has given me a whole new understanding of yoga and its capacity to be adapted to anyone's needs, both as a means to healing and tuning-up the body and a means to enjoyment and fun for their own sake. As I finish up my training, I've been doing some practice teaching and assisting in a class for special needs teens at Taj Yoga. This is probably the giggliest yoga class I've ever been a part of and one of the most instructive for me. Nobody is stressing about doing things perfectly and every student is doing the pose with unique adjustments, working at their own edge, finding out a little bit more each week about what feels right and where to experiment next.
One student who doesn't stand independently without support does great work on her knees or against the wall, with great focus and stamina. Her favorite pose is Downward Dog, an elegant way to be stable and extend everything on all fours. Another who stoops (from her valiant and successful efforts to develop balance over the years), is opening her shoulders and rib cage, leading with her heart as she chants "OM," her favorite part of class.
I learn so much from these kids, not only about how non-standard-issue bodies work, but about how some kinds of so-called disability really demand a kind of athleticism. You need discipline and mental toughness to operate physically in a world that was not designed for you. Now when I see someone walking in public with a hitch in their giddyup, I don't think, "Oh, that's too bad." I think, "Way to go." Maybe it was the equivalent of Olympic training that allowed that person to get up on their feet at all. True grit.
Anyway, I'm grateful for my new yoga friends, and Heath. And so excited that he is enjoying everything his body can do -- to the hilt!
Including eating. A month ago, I was happy he had an average toddler diet with a decent range of pretty healthy favorites. Now, he is turning into a midget foodie. He eats the same sandwich for lunch that I do: sundried-tomato pesto, avocado, Jamaican-jerk cheese, and salami on whole wheat! I can take him to a restaurant with no special kid foods in my bag and be confident that he'll eat off the menu and drink milk from a big-boy cup. He's starting to eat much faster now too (err, just like his ma), so we can spend more time doing other things or squeeze in a quick meal before going someplace. I am so grateful Heath eats well, and can only suspect that it's partly due to having had a wide variety of "real foods" when he was tube-fed, sensing and feeling many different fruits, veggies, proteins, etc. which gave him a varied palate before he even had a palate. (Thanks to the Seattle tube feeding moms for getting us started with blended diet last year.) Then again, it might just be that he takes after his mom, who will eat anything in sight.
We spent a lot of time over the holidays reflecting on how far we came last year, and 2011 will bring even more amazing changes. We are busy packing for our move to Missoula next month and getting the distillery up and running. What an adventure! I can only imagine what I'll be writing here a year from now. Hopefully I'll be doing it with a wee bit of our own gin in hand...
I hope everyone else had a wonderful holiday with blessings to celebrate. Wishing you a great year to come!
That's a video of Heath meeting a certifiable milestone: cruising, or stepping sideways while hanging onto something for support. After months of standing rooted to the floor, he ventured out tentatively with his right leg shortly before Thanksgiving. Now he's quite a pro, circumnavigating the coffee table and making bold steps across gaps in support. Cruising is a major way station on the journey to independent walking, as it involves weight shifting and gauging and coordinating movement in a million little ways. So, a big deal! Both a box to check and a marvel to celebrate.
It's fascinating to observe how these little transformations take place, because each time Heath acquires a new skill he becomes a slightly different person. Like any kid, he is propelled into the unknown by his curiosity and willingness to risk. Each door he walks through reveals a new vista and new side of his personality. Cruising makes him more independent, more able to act, express himself, and manipulate his world. More unpredictable and a little braver, as he has further to fall!
The fact that Heath is meeting milestones at his own pace means that he is evolving in his own unique way. He is a bright 21-month old who is working to master the gross motor skills of a 9 to 12 month old. Not yet having the option to run, jump and crash into things at high speed for entertainment, his awareness has been focused through the prism of careful observation and patient experimentation at close-up range.
Maybe as a consequence, he is a passionate bookworm, learning his favorites by heart and spotting the tiniest details in illustrations that are rich and absorbing. He is super social and attuned to people, leaning in to deliver warm smiles and eye contact to other babies and eager to keep up two-way conversation with us for long periods even though his toddler word-palette is limited. He is easily drawn into scenarios of imagination and make believe and will closely scrutinize my faded Fisher Price little people, assigning them family roles ("Dada," "Mama," "Boompa," etc.) and sending them off on exciting mini-bus journeys. Somewhere in all this, his God-given gifts are emerging and his "development" -- which has been tested and analyzed thoroughly by a platoon of lovely people with advanced degrees -- is organizing itself beautifully. Dare I say, perfectly.
Call me a Pollyanna, but I find it rather marvelous that children can travel such wildy different developmental paths, with each one's inner blueprint unfolding as uniquely as a snowflake. While we parents and our therapist allies encourage and challenge and point out opportunities, it is the child's deep imperative to transform that propels the epic of development, typical or not. One discovery leads to the next, enables the next. Crawling leads to peering down the heating vent (Heath is convinced there is a frog down there). Sitting up on high knees reveals what's in the magazine rack ("Who's Oprah??"). Not doing either of these things for awhile may result in expert knowledge of bird life outside the window or the minute expressions on people's faces. I have no doubt that Heath's strengths and weaknesses are combining (colluding?) to shape his character and destiny in a very particular way.
I realize this kind of thinking raises questions when it come to children whose abilities may be much more limited than Heath's. I've had a chance to meet many special children, now that we are privileged to move in different circles -- among atypical families with perhaps atypical capacities for resilience, compassion, and reflection. Each child, parent, sibling and grandparent makes sense of their unique situation in their own way. Personally, I have observed that children with the most involved conditions often play profound roles as teachers, redefining priorities within families, prompting reflection on life's most pressing questions, and drawing forth compassionate and loving action from others. They challenge us to encounter our own ideas about perfection, inclusion, and what it takes to be happy. They reveal our own limitations as expertly as any zen master.
What we have faced as a family is very slight compared to the challenges others are coping with, including conditions that may limit a child's lifespan. What I'm trying to express is that my definition of proper development or a successful life has been turned upside down by children we have met on our path, kids I might have formerly considered "severely impaired" who display a phenomenal capacity for being, loving, and drawing forth the very best -- the true gold -- from those privileged to be in their lives.
Peanut and I heard a businessy lecture a couple years ago on the importance of cultivating one's strengths, as opposed to perpetually trying to remedy one's weaknesses. This has become such an important principle for me to remember when filling up Heath's dance card with therapy appointments and enriching activities. It's not likely he's going make his mark in this lifetime breaking 100-yard dash records or constructing Fabergé eggs, so we can't pour every ounce of energy into meeting gross- and fine-motor milestones. We work and play hard gaining necessary skills, but what makes Heath happier than anything is poring over books, conversing, making friends, painting and drawing, puttering in the kitchen, and using the phases-of-the-moon app on his iPad. He's an ethereal Pisces, with one foot in the material world and one in the ocean of imagination and heart-to-heart connections. His qualities of character have been there since the first moment we looked into his eyes, but as he gets older it becomes easier to sense what these qualities are and to see the best shining through in him.
It will be up to Heath how he wants to direct his strengths. Right now I just remind myself, as we move through our busy calendar of appointments, that the best in Heath doesn't need fixing, just cultivating. Not "interventions," just our unwavering belief. How do I know? His powerful presence has already done a number on us, entirely for the better.
We are wishing everyone rest, relaxation and merriness this holiday!! Here's a video of Heath to bring you some cheer, talking about his favorite animal, the majestic elk.
PS: For those following our adventures starting a distillery in Montana next year, Peanut and I posted photos of our recent journey along Scotland's whisky trail on the Montgomery Distillery Facebook page. Trip of a lifetime! While we enjoyed a second honeymoon, Heath was entertained and doted upon by all four of his grandparents back home. We got to Skype him everyday, and it became clear that he thought we were up in an airplane the entire time. Many thanks to Heath and his boomas and boompas for being such good sports while we were up, up and away!
